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So it’s your first time back Downtown after a long summer, and you’re just dying to see what State Street has in store for you tonight. You look hot, smell nice and have that extra boost of confidence from pre-gaming a little at your friend’s apartment nearby … OK, maybe more than a little. The point is, you are on the prowl and ready to go. As you make the familiar rounds from the Rat to JT’s to Tom & Marty’s, then back to the Rat, you can’t help but find yourself caught between two very different groups of people in each location. Then, in a brief moment of clarity among all the drunkenness, you have found yourself in the great freshman versus senior hook-up dilemma. So who’s more worthy of your time? The new kid on the block or the one who’s been around the block and back? Let’s break it down.

THE FRESHMAN

Girls will don barely any clothing, brand-new stilettos and heavy makeup, but will stick close to their going out crew because duh, they don’t know anyone yet. Boys will try to act extra cool and seemingly fit in at first, until you realize they haven’t ditched their Hollister polos and Abercrombie button downs for J. Crew or Ralph Lauren yet. These are the most obvious, telltale signs to spot your potential freshman hook-up based solely on looks. If none of this irks you and you see someone attractive then go for it — but be wary of the consequences.

Did you know how to properly handle your liquor in Binghamton as a first-semester freshman? Well guess what, these kids don’t either — so be prepared to have to baby-sit for at least a small portion of the evening. They might cry to you about a high school sweetheart, take a piss in the middle of State Street or even puke on you at some point. Just be patient and understanding, and remember that you were one of them not too long ago. And if you decide to take a freshman home, they will certainly not know how to get back to campus in the morning, which means you’ll be the one making cab arrangements. Just remember that you sort of signed up for it when you made the fleeting decision to make out with him or her against that wall in Tom & Marty’s.

On the flipside, these youngins are full of energy, fun and ready to have a good time. They usually aren’t looking for anything serious, which is seen as a benefit to many. Binghamton is their oyster. So even if your night together seems like a flop at some points, have faith. Besides, you’ll instantly be the cool older person they know and will probably worship for the next four years.

THE SENIORS

Going Downtown in sweatpants? Wearing coats in the wintertime? Spotted entering and leaving Dillinger’s? Yes, you have found members of Binghamton’s senior class. They already know pretty much everyone at the bars and are quite sociable, mostly because they have all been here for so freaking long. If this doesn’t intimidate you and you want to find out what’s under all of that clothing, take a shot at hooking up with a senior.

There is a clear set of both pros and cons when it comes to getting jiggy with a senior specimen.

For one, there’s experience: these guys and gals know what they’re doing. That doesn’t pertain to just hooking up with you, either. They’ll find their way back to their friends or home without any of your help, so you really don’t have to put any effort in when it comes to that aspect. Plus it ups your street cred — your friends will give you ‘mad props’ for getting with a senior and you will be instantly really cool. While this is all good and fun, don’t forget that seniors have a serious side too. Some are thinking about the future, graduating and getting into committed relationships, so if this isn’t your style, you might want to look elsewhere. And don’t forget that most seniors no longer care about looking all cute and dressy to go Downtown.

They’re so over it.