As a resident of Susquehanna Community and a victim of its absurdly sensitive fire alarm system, I have become aware of the fire safety at our beloved Binghamton University. I guess I should be grateful that a wisp of smoke can send the smoke detector into hysteria, but it seems to have become more of an annoyance than a lifesaver. The fire alarm system is so sensitive that I’m sure even a poorly-constructed insult about its mother would set it off.
Its response is a constant high-pitched screeching that does more than just alert me of a fire. I feel as if it damages my ears, as I have trouble hearing after going outside. Fellow residents could be heard yelling at each other due to this temporary loss of hearing after a fire alarm went off during dinnertime. Some examples of dialogue were, “Which apartment set it off?!” or “I like baked potatoes too!” It’s so loud that it’s hard to think. If anything, it may delay people’s reactions because it feels as if our brains are being smashed like those eggs in that anti-drug commercial with Rachel Leigh Cook wielding a frying pan. One thing is for sure: No one will be sleeping through that fire alarm. However, it would be nice if the Binghamton maintenance staff could lower the fire alarm a few decibels below a jet engine. I’m sure we will still be able to hear it … and hear in the future as well.
The thing that troubles me the most about the fire alarm is the response. The timing of the response is admirable. The Binghamton University police arrive within five to eight minutes after a fire alarm goes off. I guess those new Dodge Chargers with Hemi engines really were worth the cash. However, my complaint is not the timing of the response, but the people who are responding. Yes, the police should come during a fire alarm to make sure everyone is safe and to prevent people from going back inside, but what about the fire department? It seems to me that this fire alarm system is missing a key component. If there really was a fire, how would the police stop it? I’m pretty sure fire is unaffected by Tasers and mace. It welcomes bullets like American auto companies welcome layoffs. I suppose the constant rain of Binghamton may be able to douse the flames, but I wouldn’t count on it.
I assume that the police arrive to assess the scene and make the decision to call the fire department. However, in the event that there is a fire, that would take way too long. The walls are paper thin and the floor creaks so loud that it sounds dangerous to send me one floor down into the laundry room. The wooden desks, chairs and bed frames seem to invite fire along for some fun. By the time other students are text messaged by the SUNY NY-Alert messaging system, the Susquehanna residents will be out of a home. That is unacceptable, since I still have approximately four more months of shelter before I graduate to become unemployed and homeless in this untimely economic recession. Fire is not something to be taken lightly, as the recent deadly blaze in Australia proves. Even if a burnt chicken wing sets off the entire building’s fire alarm, the fire department should be on hand to spray that sucker with the fire hose. Here is a simple formula to remember: smoke to smoke detector to fire alarm to fire department. In just four easy steps, we can be safe. Now if you’ll excuse me, the smoke detector just went off again and I must go introduce it to my bat.