Barack Obama: Good evening, Mr. Lincoln; I can’t tell you what an honor it is to finally speak with you after almost a century and a half.
Abe Lincoln: Well, I must say it’s been quite hard to get in contact with me for almost two centuries, yet from what I’ve seen from up here, you’ve got some interesting gadgets to acquire knowledge and maintain connections.
Obama: (laughs) Ah, I’m not sure how I will survive without my Blackberry while I’m in office. My aides tell me that there’s a good chance I won’t be able to use it given the bubble-like existence I’m about to begin.
Lincoln: I certainly survived without one of those, along with every president preceding yourself. Besides, I cannot imagine having such cacophony constantly bombarding me with those Blackberries; you will need some alone time. My bedroom is a good place to start.
I would like to congratulate you on your extraordinary victory. It is very humbling to see a young, tall, lanky and eloquent young man such as yourself from Illinois win the presidency. While some may chide you on your lack of experience, do not let them wear you down; I myself have never seen Congress as the gateway to achieving outstanding success. It is a political body that is cumbersome and slow. I take it you saw it in much the same way. It is your judicious thinking that has taken you this far that you must use when president.
Obama: I have to agree with you, Mr. Lincoln; we politicians from Illinois do know what is best for America. I can only hope I will meet the bar that you have set. I’ve always felt a certain restlessness throughout my life in addition to a certain uselessness in the Senate, especially in trying to garner support and tackle tougher issues. At this defining moment I knew it was time for change, not just in America, but in my own career.
Lincoln: After watching and hearing you for the past two years, it seems that you talk about “change” a lot. I am pleased to see that the South has still remained intact and a part of the Union for all these years, especially with your victory. Last time Virginia attained so much attention was when it seceded from the Union. I can only marvel at the fact that Virginia has voted for a person who they themselves once condemned. That seems like “change,” alright. But just remember, you are not the first person to call for change.
Obama: I must tell you, Mr. Lincoln, that I’ve been studying up on your “Team of Rivals” philosophy, and I plan to use it as a blueprint for my own administration. While I’ve received some criticism from people over my recycling of former Clinton appointees, I think that my combination of not just Democrats and Republicans, but pragmatists, intellectuals and fresh thinkers is pretty hard to criticize.
Lincoln: Well, Barack, I must commend you on your adherence to the design of my administration as it is a rare gem in your modern political times, but I must admonish you on one of your appointments.
Obama: Who might that be?
Lincoln: Your secretary of state.
Obama: (laughs) You know I picked her for the very same reason that you picked yours: for the challenging and diverse ideas that I need in my administration.
Lincoln: What you don’t know is that one of my biggest regrets of my appointments in my administration was Secretary of State William Seward, who eerily enough was also a New York Senator, who fought till the bitter end for the Republican nomination with me.
Obama: Oh, so you’re trying to tell me that I shouldn’t appoint Senator Hillary Clinton as my secretary of state, all because it’s too similar of an anecdote to yours, which apparently freaks you out?
Lincoln: Ever heard of “Seward’s Folly?”
Obama: Yes, I have.
Lincoln: Well, in light of recent events particular to this election with regard to your opponent’s running mate, it seems that this term rings especially true. I knew Seward shouldn’t have bought Alaska for $7.2 million. I knew it would’ve been a waste of money for what he wanted it for: expanding the Union and buffering the Union from conflict.
That territory has caused more trouble than it was ever worth, and it continues to haunt America strangely to this day. I’ve been turning over in my grave because of it. And they still call the Republican Party, the “Party of Lincoln.” It certainly does not look like the party that I left many years ago, especially with the choosing of that woman.
Obama: That’s quite a connection there, Mr. Lincoln, although it seems silly to read into it that extensively. I can assure you that all territorial acquisitions and other decisions will be made by me.
Lincoln: Ah, but be careful, young man, as you will find out, history has a tendency to repeat itself.