We speak daily of everything from broken nails and malfunctioning computers to girlfriends and not-exactly-boyfriends. Try going one day without a complaint and you will either stay quiet or be ignored, replaced by a nearby whiner who just farted in front of her boyfriend for the first time. Oh … my … god!!!

The events are usually minor, but spoken in expletives and complemented with wild hand motions. Most of us (myself included) can speak with (or at) someone for hours, dissecting and over-analyzing a glitch in the normal course of our day. But because these situations are generally not pertinent to our survival and don’t affect the people we explain them to, my question is, what is the actual function of complaint?

Perhaps this is a mechanism purely embedded in the American culture, as opposed to an overall human social factor, but I believe that complaint is a basic function of communication.

It is difficult to relate to your interlocutor without this basic function. Complaints combine the “relating to someone” of communication with “making someone feel needed.” Interactions bring people comfort; comfort is often found in the ability to relate to another human being.

The simplest way to illustrate this is the common moan of a teenager — No one gets me!!! The statement simply reveals a need to be comforted. The ability to relate is closely linked to the desire for feeling needed. For one reason or another many denounce this fact, as if wanting to be needed is a sign of weakness. In truth, knowing that your life serves a purpose of some sort is a good guard against self-deprecating depression. Complaint seems to serve this purpose in a subconscious manner by making one’s hardships temporarily pertinent to someone else’s life.

So, though I understand the functionality of complaint, I do want to say a couple of things about the content of it.

Is it really necessary to proclaim that every consecutive day is the worst of your life? Is a broken dishwasher really going to impede the course of your survival?

I believe common content of complaint in the United States is complementary to the level of axiomatic luxuries Americans have. Many of our complaints stem from issues with technologies and other possessions that we don’t really need — we create our problems. Technology consumes us: a broken DVD player ruins a Friday night and a malfunctioning muffler makes us immobile. These are not necessities. The lack thereof will not, or rather should not, impede the functionality of our lives, or our nervous systems.

Of course there are situations that are made significantly more difficult by malfunctioning technology, but most of the time these difficulties are easily surpassable. The amount of time and energy spent brooding over it is wasted and unnecessary. We need to realize that most technology is a luxury, not a necessity. A pen and paper still exist (and often work better than Microsoft Word), a sink and soap wash dishes just as well as a dishwasher and walking is healthier than pressing a gas pedal.

So next time you’re about to proclaim the apocalypse is coming, take a moment to breathe and think about how much your nerves are worth and whether you want to spend them so carelessly. Maybe then you could use your conversation for something better, like finding out what mystery meat really is.