Pipe Dream earlier this week reported that Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi, from MTV’s ‘Jersey Shore,’ will stop in Binghamton University next Thursday. According to the news brief, ‘An Evening with Snooki will be taking place in the Anderson Center and will include an ab contest and a lesson on fist-pumping.’

Are you kidding me? Fist pumping? Ab contest?

I guess I’m still confused as to why people are so fascinated by people like Snooki, much less the show in which she so gracelessly stars. She’s like a sun-dried goblin with a bad hair cut, a deranged Oompa-Loompa lacking any of her people’s wisdom.

Why are we feeding into the mania? I have a hard time understanding why we’re so impressed by someone that has accomplished absolutely nothing.

In my experience, most people ‘ if asked about the upcoming campus event ‘ think Snooki’s visit is a huge waste of money. But even if I don’t fully understand it, I know there are definitely people interested in going to see a person universally known as the train wreck-in-chief on ‘Jersey Shore.’

Enthrallment with Snooki seems more like a freak-show complex than anything else.

Even if her show is mildly entertaining to some, do you think that warrants booking her? I disagree in principle with paying for someone like her to visit us. And on top of that, it’s a simple pricing issue. If we only wanted a circus freak to sadistically laugh at, we could have gotten a bearded lady for cheap.

I think that Snooki is the embodiment of all things that shouldn’t be encouraged by our school. And by putting our money in her pocket, we’re giving her the ultimate form of support.

Before the advent of reality TV, most celebrities were actually famous for doing something. I understand having a celebrity such as Mark Ruffalo come to discuss fracking. He’s a well-known and respected actor; he brings to the table substantial information on a relevant issue. And the Student Association didn’t pay him to be here.

If Snooki was coming here under the auspices of bettering something, or doing anything, really, I probably wouldn’t be writing this column. But only Snooki stands to benefit from the Anderson Center’s first-ever lecture on how to perpetuate Italian stereotypes by just moving your fist.

Snooki is probably the least interesting person in humanity’s 200,000-year history.

But she does have one thing. Luck. Otherwise, what would her fate have been? Where would she be right now? At college? I doubt it.

For booking Snooki, even if she’s a semi-literate moron, I think we might be on par with her. Then again, she could be the smart one. She’s clearly tricked someone at Binghamton into requesting her services.