Fair citizens of Binghamton University, a wizard has been sighted in the depths of our very own Late Nite Undergrounds. This Saturday, innocent bystanders fell entrapped into his deviously hypnotic display of sorcery. Whilst I was one of his captives, he proclaimed to us that his name was Joel Meyers, and over the course of an hour, he targeted several captive spectators — mainly young maidens — to partake in the production of many strange, perilous phenomena with seemingly ordinary objects.
In one instance, Meyers ingested a needle, and then a string of thread. He commanded a maiden from the crowd to pull at the remaining thread hanging from his mouth and, upon doing so, the needle emerged. It was apparent that the thread, through some sorcery, had become looped through the needle whilst it was ingested.
In another frightening display of his powers, he commanded us to look into a strange swirling device, and when he allowed us to look away, we saw, to our horror, the most abominable distortion of his features. Indeed, under this spell, we witnessed his head rapidly swell and shrink beyond earthly proportions, and then return to its normal state. Whether this was a bout of sorcery upon our eyes or a brief revelation of his true, hellish form, it cannot be known.
Perhaps the most frightening display of all was when Meyers levitated a seemingly normal table and moved it, in such a state, freely about the stage. For those suspicious of technical trickery, he commanded a maiden to feel the space above and below the levitating table, to affirm there were no cables, strings or other invisible mechanisms.
Upon the conclusion of his dark magic rituals, I summoned the courage to approach him and demand that he confess how long he had been a wizard. He denied nothing, and confessed he had been in such a state since the age of 6, claiming, likely in an effort to relieve himself of moral responsibility for his affinity to ungodly forces, that magic itself had seeped into his core.
“I always tell people I didn’t get into magic, magic got into me,” Meyers said, perhaps alluding to unwilling infection via an incubus or succubae.
But upon further inquiry, he confessed that his father, a sorcerer himself and traveling merchant of some sort, was responsible for initiating Meyers into the ways of magic and, since Meyers traveled with him, also gave him a means to corrupt the souls of people from village to village by displaying his powers.
“I would do magic on the streets wherever I was in touristy areas and I would draw crowds,” Meyers said. “That’s how I thought you should perform. I didn’t know how else to do it.”
Therein lies his confession in full. Each individual who approached him left with a talisman, a playing card upon which Meyers inscribed his name. He also gave one to me, and it is currently being investigated for enchanted properties.