How to make Valentine’s Day not suck

Valentine’s Day is the most romantic day of the year. Unfortunately, a lot of people ruin what should be a harmless, fun holiday – and not just those who don’t have anyone to spread the love to. People just seem to not be able to properly celebrate this holiday, so it’s time to lay day some of the basic rules so we can all peacefully coexist and not be stupid about February 14th.

Rita Mogilanski/Staff Photographer

RULE #1: If you’re in a relationship, you do NOT need to prove to everyone how in love with each other you are.

I know, I know – you’ve been together with your significant other for three months and you know you’re going to be, like, together 5EVER! <3 <3 <3 #loveexists. However, please understand that everyone else in the world does not care. At all. In the least. Your love life is not the center of everyone else’s world, and here’s a basic tip – if you’re happy, we’re happy. But if you try and force happiness down our throats, we will metaphorically punch you. And some people with anger management issues will probably actually punch you.

RULE #2: If you’re not in a relationship, for the love of god, SHUT UP, and don’t call it “Single’s Awareness Day.”

I know, it’s tough when most of your friends have SOs, and you’re sitting there twiddling thinking about how your mom tells you that you have a worthwhile personality and are not that hideous. However, just because it’s tough, doesn’t mean that you need to be the Scrooge of love and have to ruin everyone’s day. Appreciate the fact that people will probably be nicer today, but you have absolutely zero chance at getting a booth at Jazzman’s thanks to the couples. Remember – when you’re in a relationship, you will also get something special on this day too, and it’ll then be a fun holiday for you too.

RULE #3: Valentine’s Day will NOT turn your friends with benefits into anything more, or fix any other dysfunctional romantic relationship you have.

Yes, on this day, if you are in any type of romantic relationship of any degree, the chances of you getting laid go up exponentially. Despite this, even though people are more willing to get physical, they’re actually feelings towards have changed absolutely zero percent. In this respect, Valentine’s Day is just another day. That guy you’ve been in an on and off relationship with? It’s still going to be on and off. That girl you hooked up with at a frat party and now think you’re in love with? She still isn’t going to remember your name. While it’s a nice idea that maybe on this day love can bloom, let’s face it, it doesn’t.

So there, three basic rules for the day that’s been given to love. So just spread out the good feelings guys, and stop being Debbie Downers about the whole day! Now excuse me while I go meet my valentine for a wild night (and when I say valentine I mean my laptop, and when I say wild night I mean Reddit).