Dear Kristen,
My boyfriend is never in the mood to have sex. Although I don’t have an abnormally high sex drive, I’m always the one to initiate things and try to get him in the mood. When I’ve tried to talk to him about it, he blames it on the fact that he’s always tired or busy. Do you think he’s still attracted to me and is using that as an excuse?
— Unsatisfied
Dear Unsatisfied,
I can’t tell you what your boyfriend is thinking. The best way to know is to ask him directly, but do your best to avoid phrasing it as a loaded question. Asking him if he’s attracted to you might pressure him into giving you the answer you want to hear; rather, ask him if he still feels the same connection you once had when you first got together. If you both still feel this connection and wish to maintain it, you need to come to some sort of compromise regarding sex. If your partner is legitimately too tired or busy to have sex, don’t make him feel bad for something he doesn’t have control over. Sex is something for both partners to enjoy, not an obligation or chore. If one of you isn’t feeling it, then both of you shouldn’t be doing it.
What was your boyfriend’s reactions to your needs? Was he sympathetic, annoyed, confused? If he expressed a desire to have more sex, try to meet him halfway. Maybe work around his schedule or plan for weekends. However, if your boyfriend is unresponsive to your needs or simply doesn’t want to have sex for a reason that is irreconcilable, consider moving on and finding someone whose sex drive and free time are more compatible with yours.
Dear Kristen,
Recently, my co-worker was fired for what I believe to be an unfair and personal reason. While I enjoy where I work, I believe this was unjust and want to stand by my friend so that the people who fired him know that it’s wrong. Should I leave and try to find another job?
— Painfully Employed
Dear Painfully Employed,
I can understand why your visceral reaction would be to walk out and stand up against this injustice. However, there are other ways to support your friend without giving up your job. First, try talking to your manager or superior to understand the situation. It’s possible there were other reasons that led up to this decision that your friend’s not telling you or does not know about.
If you still find that the decision was unjust, it’s okay to communicate your confusion or frustration to your superiors. Be as respectful as possible and try to understand that a manager sometimes has to make decisions that you don’t necessarily agree with. If you don’t place too much priority on this job, tell them why you believe the decision was wrong. However, if you need this job and can’t afford to leave, keep your head down about the situation. You don’t need to be their next target. The most important thing you can do is let your friend know that you believe them and will listen to them. Jobs will come and go, but true friends last forever.