You know when you hear a story and you’re like, “That’s hilarious, but so awkward. Glad it wasn’t me.”
Well, this is one of those stories.
Let me take you back three years. It was a time when I was a silly little freshman out for a night on the town. I had finally made out with this cute guy I’d been eying, and we were on our way back to campus. One $3 taxi ride later, we’re heading into his room in some now-extinct Newing College building.
After a long-winded but rather innocent make-out session, we fell asleep. Truthfully, I hate cuddling and didn’t even want to be squished in his shitty twin bed, but it was late and I didn’t want to walk across campus back to my dorm alone.
And that’s when it happened. I was in a light sleep. My hand was moving in an odd fashion. I opened my eyes slightly, confused. I realized that this guy was trying to use my hand to jack himself off.
Needless to say, I pulled my hand away, rolled onto my side and quietly tip-toed out of the room.
College is all about the awkward. Without it, I wouldn’t have stories like the one above, involving guys who I now see are clearly weird as fuck. But think about it: we’re here in this place — where there are essentially no rules — for only four years. Not to mention, we don’t have to answer to anyone but ourselves.
I think this concept is something we all need to embrace. And with sex, it’s no exception.
As graduation approaches, my friends and I keep having the same conversation: only three more weeks left before the real world. But what it really means is that there are only three weeks left to get ourselves into the most ridiculous shenanigans possible and be able to use the excuse, “Hey, I was in college!” Once we make the transition into the real world, our actions and the image we present to those around us will be judged on a legitimate scale.
We’re always going to be judged and judge one another. It’s just a part of our nature. Whether you meet someone for the first time, hear about a friend of a friend or just read someone’s column, you’re bound to formulate opinions about the person. But in college, this judgement is a fleeting flame that you shouldn’t give a shit about because you will never see the majority of these people again.
On that note, no matter what year you are, get yourself into the most absurd situations you can think of. Make out with a stranger in a cab. Go down on someone in a bar bathroom. Have sex with a good friend. (And I know these situations aren’t that crazy, but use your imagination.)
This is the time in our lives to write the stories we’re going to look back on and laugh about. Such as with my roommate, who, while hooking up with a guy sophomore year, went for the OTPHJ — aka the Over The Pants Hand Job — and he literally came. Full blown. And continued to lay there like it was totally normal.
So remember to embrace the awkward. It’s what makes life fun.