Are you tired of the same old dick pics? Are you terrified to open your phone because you know that boy with the huge penis sent you a full-frontal, and his penis looks like it might jump out and bite? Are you in a long-distance relationship and want to feel like your girlfriend’s boobs are right there with you, instead of enjoying Miami while you’re freezing in Binghamton? For years now, our phones have evolved with each new iOS update, but have we? We lie in bed, unsure of what angle to position our phone to make our dicks look massive. We battle with our front-facing camera to capture a picture of our vaginas, without snapping a pic of our double chins along with it. Lucky for you, two students have realized our phones’ potential — and I have the exclusive that will change how you send pictures of your genitals for years to come.

Think about it: When you go to the Grand Canyon and you take out your phone, which feature do you use to capture the whole majesty that is America’s vagina? The panorama feature, of course. How could we all have been so foolish as to not realize this sooner? It seems so obvious! Thanks to a friend — who I’ll call ‘E’ — who doesn’t even own a smartphone, we can now update our sexting along with our devices. Being that she can’t actually perform the act, it was thanks to another friend — we’ll call him ‘R’ — that we have “The Panorama,” such a simple and clean name for a masterpiece technique.

Now don’t get too intimidated; it’s simpler than you think. For men, it’s really about getting all the angles of your penis in one photo. You have two options: Either start from the top of your penis, working your way down and stopping around the taint region, or go from left to right. Either way is the best way to capture all the angles of your penis and really capture a sense of envelopment. This approach makes your genitals more exciting and intimidating, but the right kind of intimidating — the kind where someone is mystified and just itching to try out what they see in front of them. Women have a lot more options they can explore when it comes to testing this formerly unexplored skill. For starters, if you just want to send a picture of your boobies, hold your phone out and move from left to right. The more adventurous woman can try to snatch a pic of their snatch the same way as one would a penis. A truly experimental woman might even attempt to capture both in one picture, but I have yet to see a successful result.

This is your chance, Binghamton University students. Take the bull by the horns and start a revolution; together we can stop being the other BU and we can start being the BU that realized how to properly sext. You decide.