Well, here it is. This is my swan song. The whole kit and kaboodle. One last hurrah. The curtains have come down. My story ends here. Now’s the end of this chapter. The tides are turning. The sun is setting. All good things must come to an end. Let bygones be bygones. The last tango....
Humanity hasn’t invented a time machine yet — I’d have already stopped Billy Mays from OD’ing on coke if it had. Long live the Pitchman King. But we came pretty close this year, and it wasn’t a quantum physicist who brought us one step closer to bending the time-space continuum. It was God himself, Mark...
“Mad Men” vs. Purim. Selection Sunday vs. the vernal equinox. March has been mad as ever this year and there’s no more time to dillydally. The Phinal Phour starts now. SEMIFINAL No. 1 – “Mad Men” vs. Purim How can you quantify one of these against the other? What possible similarities can we draw between a...
If March goes in like a lion and out like a lamb, then I’d say we’re about a platypus. As you ponder how I arrived at such a conclusion, I’m going to keep on with my “Madness in March” series. Catch up when you’re ready. Just to recap, in the Holiday region, Purim defeated St....
March is a big month. It may not seem that way, but it does have 31 days. In the first installment of this three-part series, titled “Madness in March” (always trying to avoid copyright infringement), we’re going to figure out which March event reigns supreme. For time and space purposes, we’re going to examine eight...
Jeremy Lin is here and giving us all a lesson in sensitivity training. Floyd Mayweather and Anthony Federico be damned, there’s actually a tactful way to react to an Asian-American’s rise to prominence in what has, for a long time, been a game dominated by black men. Unfortunately, Lin’s success has been clouded somewhat by...
On Groundhog’s Day, Punxsutawney Phil got spooked real good by his shadow and crawled back into his ground hole, indicating that we’re due for six more weeks of winter. Besides having the coolest name ever — not the Phil part; that’s pretty normal — the Punxsutawninator needs to get his shit together. Six more weeks...
I woke up to 47 new emails. I’m not that popular, am I? I quickly gathered myself, put on my best pair of slippers, brushed all 28 of my teeth, tousled my bedhead just the way I like it and returned back to my computer. 47 emails? In nine hours? From 2 to 11 a.m.?...
Would chronic back problems and arthritic joints in your extremities stop you from going 18 holes several times a week? Simple logic dictates it would, but for 11 retired Long Island Rail Road employees, the rules of logic don’t apply — at least according to their disability claims. All is not what it appears. The...
In the summer of 2009, my brother and I developed a questionable tradition when it came time to inform each other that a well-known public figure had died. We would simply text or message each other, “Michael Jackson died,” and leave it to the other to hop on the Internet or turn on the TV...
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