A few days ago, my world was turned upside down by Hurley. Hurley is a 1-year-old Jack Russell-Beagle mix my boyfriend rescued from the Binghamton Humane Society last February. She has since become our little baby (here’s to contraception and not having human babies yet!), but this past Tuesday we found ourselves in a horrible...
I have bad news, kids. Four Loko has been banned. I’ll wait for you to stop crying before I continue. You good? OK, now wipe the tears from your eyes so you can read this clearly. Four Loko has been the scapegoat for angry parents and ass-kissing legislators for a while now. With its combination...
Two days ago, on a trip back from the Carousel Mall in Syracuse, my best friend’s GPS tried to kill me. Like that episode of ‘The Office’ when the vague directions of Michael Scott’s GPS send him and his loaner car into a lake, our machine sent us into the scary backwoods of Marathon, N.Y....
Hey, sloppy drunk chick who cut me in line for the bathroom and stepped on my brand new boots! I’m watching you, girl. The only reason you walked away unscathed is because I’m a lady with an outstandingly moral disposition. And my shoes were too high to fight in. But, my perpetually hungover enemy, I...
So, Binghamton University Parking Services, I gave you $120 this year and you handed me a parking permit. A fairly normal exchange, right? You failed to mention that it would be rendered utterly useless because there is literally never a spot on campus. I want my money back. I’m keeping the parking permit. Last year,...
People of Binghamton University, you do not know how to dress yourselves. You all need to step up your fashion game before Tim Gunn from ‘Project Runway’ comes up here to give you all a verbal ass-whooping for not ‘making it work.’ Take it from a girl who owns 75 pairs of shoes: most of...
“Shut up, little boy, isn’t it past your bedtime?!” It’s 10 p.m. on a Tuesday and I’m on Xbox LIVE playing “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2,” while simultaneously defending my gender. My high-pitched voice, coupled with the lack of girl gamers in the video game universe, often subjects me to frequent verbal abuse by...
Have you ever encountered the homeless-looking guy in army fatigues with a Dumbledore-esque beard rolling down State Street in a wheelchair on a Saturday night? Well, if the city of Binghamton had its say, most of us college kids would be pitching up cardboard boxes next to him, instead of living in houses in the...
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