So, Binghamton University Parking Services, I gave you $120 this year and you handed me a parking permit. A fairly normal exchange, right?
You failed to mention that it would be rendered utterly useless because there is literally never a spot on campus.
I want my money back. I’m keeping the parking permit.
Last year, if I got onto campus earlier than 10 a.m. I was guaranteed a fairly decent spot. My chances of getting a good spot doubled when the snow lot rules went into effect and everyone who lived in Hinman College had to park in Lot M.
Now, even if I get to campus as early as I did last year, I am forced to drive around aimlessly, alternating between stalking a person walking through the parking lot and cursing the fact that during one of many laps around the lot, someone pulled in off the street and got a spot ahead of me.
I now have to leave almost 30 minutes before my class to guarantee myself 15 minutes of driving around the parking lot time with one hand on the wheel and the other ripping out chunks of my hair.
I’m usually ‘lucky’ enough to get a spot at the ass-end of Lot M, which is so far away from where I have to be that I need to Harry Potter Apparate to my next class. Or run.
Who is the person that sold more parking permits than there are spots on campus? I bet they have a comfortable parking spot two feet away from the back entrance of the Couper Administration Building, the lucky bastard.
Haven’t we, as a university, learned that inviting more people to park at ‘ or, I don’t know, attend ‘ this school has nothing but disastrous and aggravating results? I mean, hello, people living in the basement of buildings? Transfer students who are normally forced to live on campus being asked to live off?
Binghamton University, you need to practice moderation. You are that girl at parties who consistently has too many glasses of punch and ends up on the front lawn with her skirt up around her head.
I know, money makes everyone greedy. But walking around campus strangely reminds me of an episode of ‘Hoarding: Buried Alive.’ I’m becoming agoraphobic because I can’t walk around the Lecture Hall building without being pressed up against someone else.
The greed will never cease, but can’t I at least park in peace?
Oh, before I forget, my fellow parkers, you all need to learn to park BETTER. Twice this semester I have been on one of my infinite circular paths around the lot and come across a spot that was empty because the two idiots who parked on either side of it were over the yellow line.
Pull in straight, people. I’ve been drinking a lot this year, and my beer belly makes it difficult for me to squirm out of my car when I can only open the door a quarter of an inch.
If everyone parks better, then maybe that one spot will be open, maybe one less person will have to bash their head against their steering wheel looking for a spot in Lot M.
I’m hoping that person is me ‘ I’ve had a wicked headache these past few days.