Dearly beloved:
We have gathered here today to mourn the loss of a dear friend. We will bid our final adieus and commence a period of grievance. The grievance may last anywhere from weeks to years — that’s an issue you’ll have to deal with individually. Alas, summer vacation, it is time for you to leave this eternal world, for at least I will never see you again.
I’m not just talking about, “oh, no, back to school time,” and last-minute voyages across the Caribbean to insert-luxurious-island-of-your-choice. I’m talking about the fact that as a senior in college, I will…